


Not Like You

by Rahenna



Series: Ace of Hearts [22]
Category: Gakuen Heaven 2 ~Double Scramble~
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Secret Relationship, Student Council, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 16:10:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4311750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rahenna/pseuds/Rahenna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuki is late for a student council meeting, prompting resentment from Ninosuke, which causes Takato to blow up at Yuki once he arrives. Kuya, horrified, ends up saying some cruel things as well...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Like You

**Author's Note:**

> Contains spoilers for Gakuen Heaven 2. If you intend to play the game yourself, reading this may ruin your fun a bit. :)
> 
> Originally posted here:  
> [Adults Always Lie](http://heaven.neo-romance.net/lies/)
> 
> If you want to know more about the Gakuen Heaven series, please visit my fansite for game translations and summaries:  
> [welcome to Heaven](http://heaven.neo-romance.net/)

**November 6, 2017**

We'd scheduled a student council meeting for that Monday afternoon, intending to take notes on how the health fair had turned out so it would be possible for Yuki to replicate it next year with his new friends.

It was a depressing thought, the three of us graduating and leaving Yuki as the sole remaining member of the student council, but it couldn't be helped. Up until Yuki's arrival, we'd been at a complete loss over what to do once we all graduated; with Durak in control of everything, no one wanted to join the failed student council. But now, there wouldn't be any problems. Thanks to Yuki, even Masatsugu and I received friendly smiles and words of encouragement from the other students.

As for Ninosuke... well. I snuck a glance at my friend, who was sitting on the edge of the table with his back to us, staring out the window. He'd taken off his mask, complaining that it was too stuffy to wear all the time indoors, since the heat was on almost full time now in the school buildings. It had been a while since I'd seen his face, though he still wouldn't show it when Yuki was around. He looked the same as ever, just tired, with a perpetual frown and his eyes always narrowed a bit.

He sensed me looking at him and let out an exaggerated sigh. "What, Kuya?"

"I was just thinking it's been a while since you showed your face."

Ninosuke tossed his head, and his hair rustled. "That's because your precious Asahina is always here. I don't feel like showing my face around the guy who stole my position."

"Stole your position?" Masatsugu looked up from his writing. "As I recall, you passed the armband on properly, in the prescribed manner. Asahina is the legitimate student council president." He paused, looking like he was about to say more, but stopped himself.

I caught his eye, and Masatsugu gave me a wry smile. _Bell One?_ I mouthed.

He shook his head subtly, raising both eyebrows and staring straight at me. A very clear _don't._

"Don't talk about that stupid Bell One behind my back," Ninosuke muttered, wrapping his arms about his knees. "Anyway! I thought we were having a meeting."

"We are! We're just waiting for Yuki." It wasn't uncommon for Yuki to be late, or to completely miss meetings, and it was getting harder to come up with excuses on his behalf. _With the test results coming out today, god only knows what Yuki might be up to right now..._

I felt my cheeks turning red. Ninosuke chose that exact moment to turn toward me with a frown, and that look quickly became a scowl. "What are you blushing for, Kuya? You obviously know something about what Asahina's up to all the time! Why is he always late?"

"He's not _always_ late," I protested, cursing my bad luck.

"He's been late to the last five meetings, and that's not counting the one he skipped without telling anyone!" Ninosuke whipped his head around to glare at Masatsugu, slapping me in the face with his hood. "You too, Masatsugu! I see you and Kuya giving each other little glances whenever I complain about Asahina! What do you two know?"

Masatsugu jumped in while my brain was still busy trying to come up with an excuse. "Ninosuke, when was the last time you actually helped with student council work? Asahina may be late, but he works hard the entire time he's here, instead of disappearing the instant that there's work to be done. It's frustrating." He glanced at me. "Isn't that right, Kuya?"

I stood up so fast my chair fell over. "Hey, I never said that!!"

"I know. That's the problem."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

Before he could answer, there was a click from the door, and it swung inward. A moment later, Yuki entered the room, the silly grin on his face freezing awkwardly as he looked from me to Masatsugu and back again. "Um... what's going on? And where's Hattori-san?"

"Ninosuke?!"

The only answer was the whistle of wind as it blew in through the open window.

Masatsugu sighed. "It looks like he escaped. Again." He glanced toward Yuki. "Asahina, you're late. Also again. What is your reason for keeping us all waiting this time?"

"O- Oh... I'm really sorry! It's just... I got my health fair results." I finally noticed the envelope that Yuki was clutching in one hand. From his mood, I could tell that it was all good news.

Masatsugu pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Yes. I'm well aware that today was the day that all the students were to receive their test results. I received mine as well, and so did Kuya." He glanced toward me, and I blinked, not sure if he was trying to get my silent approval for whatever he was trying to say, or accusing me of something. While I tried to puzzle it out, he looked back to Yuki. "Since you remembered to pick up your results, surely you didn't forget about the meeting we scheduled to review the event. Right?"

Yuki seemed smaller than usual, shoulders slumping a bit. "I- I didn't forget. I just... I had to meet someone after school. It wasn't a planned meeting so I couldn't let you know ahead of time. I'm really sorry!" He took a few tentative steps into the room and set his bag down on his usual chair. "A- anyway, aren't you guys happy about your results?"

"Well, I knew what to expect!" I said brightly, before Masatsugu could pick at him more. "I only had the physical exam, and since I always get those for fencing, it was the same stuff as usual."

"Oh, that's right," Yuki blushed, remembering the secret I'd blurted several months ago; he was the only member of the student council who would need the sexual health exam.

Masatsugu rested his elbows on the table, leaning forward with a rather unpleasant expression. "Asahina, you sound as if you had reason to worry about your exam."

I shot him a glance. _What are you doing? Leave him alone!_

His eyes flicked to me for just a moment, then went back to Yuki.

_You're ignoring me?!_

Yuki's hands tightened on the back of the chair. "It... it was the first time I had an exam like that. Of course I was kind of nervous... and stuff."

I tried to catch Yuki's eye, but his gaze was fixed on Masatsugu. From the tension of his body and his wide-eyed expression, I could tell that he felt trapped.

"Everyone has a physical before entering school, don't they? I'd expect you were no exception, even though you arrived one month late."

"I- I had my physical," Yuki protested. "I couldn't get in without it."

"I see." Masatsugu leaned back, folding his arms over his chest, eyes narrowed slightly. When he spoke, his tone was unfamiliar even to me, cold and pointed. "The student council president is supposed to set a good example for the other students. I don't think getting involved in a licentious relationship as a first year is quite what we were hoping for in terms of that example."

My jaw dropped. I couldn't breathe, much less speak.

"L... licentious?" Yuki repeated, not understanding, though the look on his face made it clear that he knew it was something bad.

"Dissolute. Indecent. Immoral. Does that help?"

Yuki's eyes went round, his knuckles white as he gripped the chair. He stood there, rooted in place, until I finally recovered enough of my own senses to speak.

"Yuki--"

"No!" he shouted, turning away, bringing his arm up to protect his face. He moved quickly, but I was used to watching my opponents for abrupt movements, using my experience to interpret their intentions and react before they could strike. I didn't have to make much of an effort to note the tears welling in his eyes or the way the blood rushed to his cheeks as his face crumpled. He darted to the still-open door, shoving it so hard that it slammed against the outside wall.

I didn't follow. Blood rushed to my own face, and my body broke out in a hot sweat as I turned back to Masatsugu. "What is _wrong_ with you?"

He had the decency to look slightly ashamed, but his words were unrepentant. "I only spoke the truth."

"The truth, is it?" My heart was pounding so hard in my ears that I could barely hear myself speak. I felt my hand reach for the hilt of the saber at my side, and it took all of my self control to keep from immediately yanking it from its sheath.

I wanted to hurt him. The awareness of that scared me, and may have been the only thing keeping me from actually doing it.

"You want the truth, Masatsugu?" My voice had dropped so low it was almost a growl. "Your jealousy is disgusting. It's colored every meeting we've had since we started planning the health fair. Yuki knows something is wrong. I'm stuck in the middle. Even Ninosuke is starting to suspect. Is that what you want? You know if Ninosuke finds out, he'll tell the entire school."

"That's not..." He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. "That's not my intent."

"Really, then what exactly _is_ your intent? Do I need to remind you that Yuki isn't an object that belongs to you, or me, or to anyone else? He's a person, not a possession."

"And yet, that filthy teacher possesses him."

I gritted my teeth, chest so tight it hurt. "No, he doesn't. Yuki chooses to give himself to the professor, and he can choose to stop that whenever he wants. The only one who has any claim to Yuki is Yuki himself."

"That's not how the law would see it."

"Right, because the law would see him as a piece of meat with no agency instead of a person, just because he's not an adult!" My fingers curled around the hilt of my saber. "Well, that cuts more than one way. If I kick your ass for hurting Yuki, I can hide behind my legal non-personhood."

"I don't think it works that way if you commit an act of violence, Kuya."

His calm responses only fired me up more, and I was almost shouting as I answered, "I'm sure things won't even get that far! I doubt that either Kasahara or Professor Sakaki would fault me for turning you into a pincushion for harming Yuki!"

"Kuya, keep your voice down, there are other clubs around us!" Some emotion had finally seeped into Masatsugu's tone, but--

"That's all you're concerned about?! You're a cold-blooded snake, Masatsugu, you have no passion at all! No wonder Yuki was never interested in you!"

I regretted those words the moment they left my mouth, but it was too late. They hung there in the air between us, colder than the wind that was still seeping in from the open window. Masatsugu stood, face flushed, and he snapped, "Not everyone can be personable like you and Asahina! At least I don't waste hours of my life every day clinging desperately to dead friendships!"

His words hit me with the force of a slap, and I took a half-step back. Rage built within me again, but it was swept away by shame, not just at my current actions, but at my futile grasping at relationships. He was right. Could it be that leaping to Yuki's defense was just another of those sad attempts to maintain a lost friendship? Was I trying to ingratiate myself with Yuki so he wouldn't cast me aside?

We stood there, not looking at each other. There was a painful lump in my throat, a knot of hateful emotions all balled up and throbbing.

Masatsugu recovered himself first. "Kuya," he began tentatively, looking to me as if asking permission to keep speaking. I met his eyes for a moment before lowering them again, and nodded.

"I apologize for my cruel words, Kuya. My resentment got the best of me."

"Don't... don't worry about it. I was an ass." I flopped down into my chair with a heavy sigh that nearly hitched in my throat. "Masatsugu, I said some horrible things. Please forgive me."

"Of course."

I thought he was going to sit down again too, but instead, he moved toward the door. I looked up in a panic, chest so tight I could hardly breathe. Was he walking out too? "Wait!"

He glanced back toward me, features not quite composed, before turning away again. "Don't worry, I'm not upset with you. But I need to beg forgiveness of someone else."

"Yuki..."

"Yes. Do you have any idea where he might have gone?"

I shook my head, suddenly so tired that even that small motion was an effort. "I'm not sure. There's lots of places he likes to go. He might have gone to find Kasahara, or maybe up to the roof. Maybe even the cafeteria, if it's still open. Yuki seems like the type to stress eat." I smiled feebly at my own pathetic joke, but my heart wasn't in it.

"I'll find him."

"What if you can't?"

"Then... I'll call you to help. But let me try first."

Masatsugu left, closing the door softly behind himself. I leaned forward, setting my elbows on the table, and leaned my forehead on the backs of both hands. My vision blurred.

 _At this rate, there really will be no student council. We're all drifting apart._ I closed my eyes and sighed again. _Love isn't some terrible secret that should tear friends apart, is it?_

~~~

I sent several messages to Asahina's other close friends as I checked the spots Kuya had suggested, but after twenty minutes of searching, I hadn't uncovered a single clue. Asahina hadn't been spotted at the dorm, so it was unlikely that he had gone to have an early dinner, and Kasahara's hasty response to my text had been simply _sorry, I'm at practice._ I was about to give up and head back to the student council room to enlist Kuya's help when I remembered something from our first year. There was a place that Kuya liked to go when Ninosuke's sudden mood swings left him confused and upset. He'd stopped hiding out there after just a few months, settled comfortably into that odd relationship between user and used.

Maybe Asahina had heard the story from Kuya. Or maybe he'd thought of it on his own, blindly seeking the comfort of unconditional acceptance. Somehow I was sure I'd find him there.

It wasn't a long walk, but it was chilly outside, especially now that that sunset was coming soon after classes ended for the day. The cold didn't bother me much, but Asahina was a local and was probably feeling chilled if he was still outside. I picked up the pace, concentrating on the rhythm of my footsteps in a futile attempt to ignore my unpleasant emotions.

I'd wanted to hurt Asahina. I'd wanted him to know that I was aware of his sexual activities, and that I disapproved of them. What I _didn't_ want him to know was why, so I'd crushed him so completely that there was no chance of him having the presence of mind to wonder about it.

When he'd run from the room, about to cry, I'd felt a sense of triumph. Now, all I felt was shame.

_Is this how bullies feel? That thrill of intimidating someone weaker._

For a person with lower moral standards or less of a conscience, that rush of power must have been a tempting and powerful motivator. That was probably how Joker's mind worked.

I'd reduced myself to such a base level. Kuya was right; no wonder Asahina never let me get as close to him as he did Kuya or Kasahara. Even Joker's malice was usually limited to pranks or cheap thrills, unleashed in the spirit of fun. He wasn't frightening, just frustrating.

_Except for that time last year, when he lost control. I'm no different. My attack may not have been physical, but the intent was the same. Damage. Pain. Intimidation._

I rounded the corner of the school building. The first thing I saw was movement: the furry backsides of several cats as they sprinted away, startled by my sudden arrival. The next was Asahina, seated on the dirty pathway with his back against the school building, knees pulled up to his chest. He looked up, questioning, and my heart sank as he shrank back against the brick, the surprise on his face turning to fear.

"Oh..."

That was all he said, staring at me as if he thought I might rush him at any moment.

"Asahina. May I sit here?" I motioned toward a space beside him. There was no way I could remain standing while he was pressed against the wall. Even when we were both standing, my bulky frame dwarfed his small, slender body.

After a long pause, he responded, "Um, I guess..."

"Thank you." I settled down on the cold, dirty ground, leaving enough space between us that he wouldn't feel threatened, but close enough that we could speak normally. Except Asahina didn't seem like he wanted to speak. Instead, he stared off into the distance, making a quiet sniffle every few seconds, and twice he reached up to wipe tears from his watery eyes.

The cold seeped into my backside before Asahina spoke, still looking away.

"Do you really believe those rumors about me?"

I considered denying it, but he deserved better than that. "Rumors tend to have a basis in reality."

There were tears on his cheeks, dripping down whenever he blinked, but he didn't bother to brush them away. "You think I'm dirty."

I shook my head. "That was my envy speaking." It was a lie, but it couldn't be helped. The window of time for letting Asahina know my feelings had shut long ago, and no good could come of bringing it up now. Jealousy was ugly. Envy would be easier for him to accept.

His head tilted slightly in my direction. "You're jealous? Of me?"

"Not jealous, Asahina, envious. Jealousy is when you fear that something you already have will be taken away, like in the phrase _jealously guarding._ Envy is the unpleasant feeling of wanting something that another person has. In your case, an intimate relationship."

His face turned toward me, though he didn't quite meet my eyes. "You... you want that? But you just said..." He closed his eyes, face twisting in pain at the memory.

"I know. I said something cruel because my emotions got the better of me. You didn't deserve that, Asahina." _And you didn't either, Kuya._

"B- but, if that's what you want... there's someone you like?" A bit of Asahina's usual strength was creeping back into his voice, drawn out by his curiosity and concern. "Did you confess?"

Now that he was looking at me again, I couldn't meet his eyes. "I can't."

"Why not?"

_Because I made a promise with Kuya. Because it's too late. Because you're already with that man._

I shrugged. "I decided I wasn't going to pursue relationships until after high school."

That wasn't a lie; I _had_ made that decision, motivated by my desire to avoid the many problems my mother had faced because of her young love. Asahina didn't have to know that I'd been ready to discard that pledge for him, mentally justifying it to myself with a simple explanation: we were both men, which freed us from many potential complications. Though it did add others...

Asahina considered it for a moment. "Then... you can confess right after you graduate."

A weak smile came to my lips. "No. It's already too late."

"Oh," was all Asahina could manage, his shoulders slumping as he realized what I meant. He went back to sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees. "That's terrible. I couldn't imagine what it would be like..." His cheeks colored. "If, if my special person loved someone else."

_I'm glad you don't have to know it, Asahina._

"Yes," I sighed, relaxing a bit. "It _is_ quite unpleasant. As you've unfortunately experienced, those emotions have made me say and do things that are very unkind. But... I'm trying to accept that they're happy with the person they've found. That isn't easy either, but it can't be helped. Staying bitter about it won't change things."

I only wished my heart would listen to my brain. If only it would stop racing in my chest every time Asahina turned toward me with a warm smile or a laugh. Or, like now, with a sympathetic frown and tear-filled eyes. I was sure that he was highly emotional because of how I'd hurt him, but despite that, his heart had still turned back toward me so easily. And I hadn't even made a proper apology yet.

_How can you be so trusting? So perfect?_

I was idealizing him again, even as another part of my mind wanted to label him as used, impure. As always, the part that romanticized Asahina won out easily, especially with him sitting beside me, wide-eyed and sympathetic. That look made me shiver. I wanted him more every time I looked at him. Looking at that sweet face, feeling the urge to hold him and kiss those tears away, I could almost forget that I was the one who had wounded him in the first place.

Almost.

"You're really mature, Takato-san," he declared after a long pause, and he reached up again to wipe at his eyes with the backs of his hands. "Not like me." Asahina looked down at his damp skin with a wavering smile, seeming as if he might start crying again at any moment.

_Not when it comes to you. It's a mask, a costume I put on so I can continue acting in the play with you._

Maybe I was more like Kuya than I thought.

"You're plenty mature, Asahina. I've never heard cruel insults pass your lips, and you have a gentle spirit that forgives easily. Can I be the one to beg forgiveness of your generous heart this time?"

He nodded without hesitation, his smile growing steadier. "You don't have to beg. I didn't realize you were hurting... and I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt me."

My face colored in shame. "That doesn't erase the fact that I did."

"No... and it still hurt..." He looked away, letting out a quiet sigh. "I... can't change what you think of me. Maybe it's wrong, what I'm doing, but... I can't let go of that person. I can't."

It stung, hearing it directly from Asahina's lips. Of course I'd assumed that he was in love with the professor; someone like Asahina wouldn't be entangled in a casual relationship. But it was easy to imagine that the professor was a rival who could somehow be defeated with the right strategy, or by waiting for the right time to strike. Except there was no fair strategy, only underhanded ones that would wound Asahina as much as Sakaki. There was no right time, unless I wanted to report the relationship to someone who had a mandatory duty to act on that information.

And that would rip the heart from the gentle boy I loved.

"Then don't let go," I said, hoping I sounded sincere.

"I won't." Asahina met my eyes. "Not ever."

_Forever is a long time, Asahina._

I bit my tongue, pushing away from the wall instead. I took a few moments to dust myself off before offering Asahina my hand. "Please come back to the student council room. It's too cold to stay outside. And Kuya is very worried."

His mouth half-opened in surprise. "Oh no, I didn't even think about Kuya-san!"

Asahina's icy hand gripped mine, and I tried not to let my touch linger as I pulled him to his feet. We headed back in silence, walking side-by-side, not close, but not too distant either. Though he shivered with the cold, I pretended not to notice, so I wouldn't be tempted to slip my arm around his shoulders and pull him to me under the pretense of sharing warmth.

_You've become awfully dishonest with yourself lately._

I always said that speaking like an adult was preparation for the future.

Now I was beginning to act like one as well.

~ end ~


End file.
